one week gone and 6 papers down... study until i almost died.. esp yest when i had two papers, mainly history and maths... i had an aftrnoon paper the day before and i reached home at about 7 so had to stay up to study.. sigh..

2/3 of the papes over and done with but it pretty much already decided my fate... who am i to tink that i can go onto stage and shake mr kwek's hand next year？who the f**k am i to think that i can get a nice report card?! i seriously have no idea what went wrong... supposed to study de i all study already... but i jus cant walk out of all the exam hall in confidence... even chinese pape 2 which i had felt confident abt, when i walked out of the exam hall and compared answers, i drop right back down to earth again...

my cousin once said that nanyang has a 90% rate of people going to uni which makes it 9 in every 10 students and i can predict i will be tht one person... i know there are many people out there who are waiting to see me stumble and fall, relatives inclusive... well, i guess i have shown it to them.. i HAVE stumbled and i believe that next year in march will be the time when i FALL... tze yin once sent me an sms after prelims "with us here to support you always, you'll never fall down hard" i really appreciate that sms but A levels is already the final step... perhaps when we all embark on different journeys in life, it is really difficult not for me to fall down hard... hard and painful...

singapore is cruel.. paper qualifications are everything.. i'm sorry but i'm not brave like the people that mr tong once mention... people who are not afraid to stray off the path and take an altrnate route... i guess i am one of those who are jumping from one box to another... from pri to sec to jc and the final destination which would be uni... i used to tink that a beauiful A level cert would be the ticket to the life that i have planned way beforehand already..

my Southeast Asia paper is a certain goner already... the A had flown away for chinese and maths... the only 2 subjects where i can get an A.. gp?! i really dunno...